141 replies to this topic

[nitrogenfingers]

This is a joke I just made up based on a discussion between two friends of mine awhile back.

Two intelligent system computer scientists walk into a bar. One works with Bayesian probability, the other works with bio-inspired systems.

The bartender asks the first "What are you having?"

To which he responds "I know I've tried 4 of the 7 beers you have on tap and can determine how much I'm likely to enjoying each of them based on each of my prior experiences with the beers I have drunk and the information I've learnt about the other beers I haven't drunk. Factoring my mood, tastes and environmental conditions, I've determined the probabilistic likelihood of liking each of your beers. So I'll have a pale."

The bartender then asks to the second "And what are you having?"

The second computer scientist shrugs, and says "I guess I'll have an extra dry."

The first turns and asks "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"How should I know?" She asks.

[ETHANATOR360]

lua translation

for i = 1,500 do
print("i will not throw paper airplanes in class")
return 0
end

[Zudo]

ETHANATOR360, on 18 July 2013 - 09:24 PM, said:

-- snip --

[CreeperWiz]

SuicidalSTDz, on 16 March 2013 - 04:28 PM, said:

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

SuicidalSTDz, on 16 March 2013 - 04:28 PM, said:

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning

LOL

ETHANATOR360, on 18 July 2013 - 09:24 PM, said:

lua translation

for i = 1,500 do
print("i will not throw paper airplanes in class")
return 0
end

Funny I will remember that one

[CreeperWiz]

SuicidalSTDz, on 16 March 2013 - 04:53 PM, said:

Dlcruz129, on 16 March 2013 - 04:47 PM, said:

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?

A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

I like the 1st one
I,ve heard the other one before

My turn
If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture

You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila

The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX

Love the unix jokes

[Agent Silence]

Lets bring in some biology jokes!
How did Mr. Nucleus escape from prison?

Spoiler

Through the cell wall.

[CreeperWiz]

Requiem of Silence, on 29 January 2015 - 04:48 AM, said:

Lets bring in some biology jokes!
How did Mr. Nucleus escape from prison?

Spoiler

Through the cell wall.

LOVE IT

[cptdeath58]

What happens when you try to find Chuck Norris on Google?

Spoiler

404 Could not find.
You don't find him, He finds you.

What happened when Chuck Norris was bit by a rattlesnake?

Spoiler

After 3 days of agonizing pain, the snake died

iCoder, on 29 January 2015 - 09:04 PM, said:

Requiem of Silence, on 29 January 2015 - 04:48 AM, said:

Lets bring in some biology jokes!
How did Mr. Nucleus escape from prison?

Spoiler

Through the cell wall.

LOVE IT

Thats pretty funny!

What did the cell say?

Spoiler

Lets split.

Edited by cptdeath58, 29 March 2015 - 01:35 AM.

[Creator]

Chuck Norris does not have a watch, ...

Spoiler

he determines the time.

[cptdeath58]

Chuck Norris doesnt drive cars,

Spoiler

Cars drive him around.

[Square789]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Spoiler

Because seven ate nine.

[Creator]

There are only 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

[Pyrif]

[ItsRodrick]

MySQL isn't working for me...
Use HisSQL!

[cptdeath58]

These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Nefoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie poped up and said, “I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you.” So the Newfoundlander goes, “Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland.” So puff, he was sent to Newfoundland.
Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. TheQuebecian says, “I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec.” So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there.
So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, “Tell me more about this wall.” So the genie tells him, “This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and nothing can pass in or out of Quebec.”
So the Cape Bretoner says, “Okay. Fill it with water.”

Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A:

Spoiler

IHOP

Edited by cptdeath58, 20 June 2015 - 05:46 AM.

[Alice]

My social life.

[cptdeath58]

Alice, on 22 June 2015 - 03:03 AM, said:

My social life.

That's not really a joke...

How many blondes does it take to unscrew a light bulb

Spoiler

50, 49 to play on their phones and one to break the light bulb.

Edited by cptdeath58, 22 June 2015 - 03:08 AM.

[Alice]

cptdeath58, on 22 June 2015 - 03:08 AM, said:

Alice, on 22 June 2015 - 03:03 AM, said:

My social life.

That's not really a joke...
You don't know my social life, so how are you to say it isn't a joke?

[Pyrif]

(This SEEMS like it's been done before. )
Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Spoiler

Because 7 knows Chuck Norris.

Edited by LightMystic, 22 June 2015 - 03:37 AM.

[cptdeath58]

Why was President Abraham Lincoln assassinated?

Spoiler

Well, you see... he had a very tall hat and the shooter just had a temper...