141 replies to this topic

[SuicidalSTDz]

Smiley43210, on 06 April 2013 - 11:30 PM, said:

Recently found this

NOTE: I'm not trying to give any offence toward Microsoft, and hey, I use Windows too.

Spoiler

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Love it!

[Dlcruz129]

Just saw this one in a YouTube comment and I just had to share it:

Why do Java developers always wear glasses?
Because they can't see sharp.

*Note: No offense to Java developers; as a matter of fact I am one myself.

[SuicidalSTDz]

Oooooooooooh i'm gonna tell tiin what you said and he is gonna kick your rear end when he gets on! (I feel like a little kid again :3)

Psst, i'm not gonna tell tiin

[SuicidalSTDz]

Oh, and I recently found this and agree with it completely:

[Dlcruz129]

SuicidalSTDz, on 07 April 2013 - 05:40 PM, said:

Oh, and I recently found this and agree with it completely:

Reminds me of:

[SuicidalSTDz]

Ah! There's a bug on muh screen D: Shoo fly, shoo!

Back on topic: Hehe, I like that one

[KaoS]

Smiley43210, on 06 April 2013 - 11:30 PM, said:

Recently found this

NOTE: I'm not trying to give any offence toward Microsoft, and hey, I use Windows too.

Spoiler

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

I heard that joke before, it is quite good. Here's my favorite version:

A man had build himself a hot air balloon for recreational purposes, he tested it out and before long found himself totally lost. Eventually he found himself floating along a golf course and shouted to a nearby golfer for help. The surprised golfer looked up and asked how he could be of assistance to which he was asked: "Where am I?". The golfer considered for a moment and replied: "You're in a hot air balloon". The now frustrated man retorted: "I bet you work in the IT industry. Am I right?" and the surprised golfer confirmed, asking how our protagonist knew this, "Well here I am with a problem, I come to you for assistance and you give me an answer which (while being totally correct) does not help me in any way". This irritated the golfer who in turn replied: "Very interesting, I bet you work in business right?". The lost man was quite perplexed at how this golfer had deduced this so he confirmed that he was indeed a business man and asked how the golfer had guessed. "When I met you you had a problem, this problem is in no way related to me, I have just given you a piece of information and for no reason I can see it's now MY problem"

[Smiley43210]

Interestingly so true. I'm one of them IT guys (at least, I would be if I were to speak all of my thoughts)

[TheOddByte]

I have a good one
It's about winnie the Pooh

Do you know what tiger did in the toilet?

Spoiler

Looking for poo

[ironwiccan]

Chuck norris once threw a grenade and killed 30 people, then the grenade exploded

[ironwiccan]

If a man apeaks in a forest and a woman isn't around to hear it, is he still wrong?

[billysback]

The only jokes I know are long, story-esque ones (and dark/anti-humor jokes, like "why did the boy drop his ice cream? because he got hit by a truck. and why did the girl fall of the swing? because she had no arms.")

so here goes for a long winded one;

Spoiler

At the gates of heaven three men are waiting in line to explain how they died so they have a chance at getting in heaven.

The first man walks up to the gate and explains his story:
"I was cleaning windows on the 11th floor of this big, fancy residential building when suddenly a fell and slipped out of my harness, somehow I managed to grab hold to the inside of an open window on the 10th floor but before I could even say my prayers of thanks for this good luck this mad man who evidently lived in the flat suddenly attacked my hand, forcing me to let go. God knows hows, but I managed to survive the floor, though I was in no state for movement, before any help could come, though, this fridge suddenly came out of nowhere and landed on me. That's how I died"

He is told that he is accepted in to heaven and he moves through the gates.
The second man walks up to the gate and explains his story:
"I had just come home from work early, opened the door and for some reason I noticed a strange jacket on our coat rack and some strangers shoes on the floor. Thinking this was weird as my wife hadn't told me she was having guests, I call out to her and hear someone moving hurriedly around our apartment. Now getting worried I run in to our bedroom and see my wife, naked on the bed. I start shouting at her, asking where he is, when I notice some hands clinging to the window. In my rage I go for his hands, forcing him to let go and fall down. As I look out the window I see that he is just barely alive and calling for help, so in my complete and utter rage I grab the fridge out of our kitchen and throw it out of the window, however the momentum of the fridge took me with it and I end up falling out too. I have no idea if that man is alive, but I know I certainly didn't survive the fall..."

He is told that he is forgiven of the murder as it was a result of adultery and so is accepted in to heaven, he moves through the gates as well.
The third man walks up to the gate and begins to explain his story:
"So get this, I'm naked, in a fridge..."

--sorry for not making a program related joke, to make up for it here is the funniest programming related thing I've ever seen:

Spoiler

[Jarle212]

What did the duck say to the physicist?

Spoiler

quark

[amtra5]

http://i.imgur.com/8ghniB5.jpg
Sorry about the link, I'm on my iPad and can't use full editor

[ironwiccan]

Chris brown is going to make a new album with Rihanna, I heard its going to be a "hit"

[apemanzilla]

Smiley43210, on 06 April 2013 - 11:30 PM, said:

Recently found this

NOTE: I'm not trying to give any offence toward Microsoft, and hey, I use Windows too.

Spoiler

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

I just laughed so hard I almost died...

Wanna hear a joke about element 116?

Spoiler

Uuh...

[Dlcruz129]

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

[Dlcruz129]

My favorite programming joke: To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

[apemanzilla]

Dlcruz129, on 18 July 2013 - 04:44 PM, said:

My favorite programming joke: To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

NICE!! That's my new favorite joke lol!