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#41 Dlcruz129

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 04:44 PM

View PostSuicidalSTDz, on 16 March 2013 - 04:38 PM, said:

Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you

Lol. I especially like the second one.

#42 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 04:47 PM

View PostDlcruz129, on 16 March 2013 - 04:44 PM, said:

View PostSuicidalSTDz, on 16 March 2013 - 04:38 PM, said:

Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you

Lol. I especially like the second one.
hehe ^_^ We need moar jokes in here people!

#43 Dlcruz129

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 04:47 PM

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?

A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.


Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.


From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

#44 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 16 March 2013 - 04:53 PM

View PostDlcruz129, on 16 March 2013 - 04:47 PM, said:

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?

A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
I like the 1st one :)
I,ve heard the other one before :P

My turn :D
If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture

You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila

The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX


#45 redeye83

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:41 AM

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: ‘A beer please, and one for the road.'[/indent]

#46 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:43 AM

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”

#47 redeye83

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:49 AM

.titanic {float: none;}

#48 redeye83

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:52 AM

Murphy's Laws of Computing
  • When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
  • When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
  • The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
  • When the going gets tough, upgrade.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
  • He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
  • A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
  • The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
  • A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.


#49 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:54 AM

View Postredeye83, on 17 March 2013 - 04:49 AM, said:

.titanic {float: none;}
Hehe, clever one.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

#50 redeye83

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:02 AM

There’s no place like 127.0.0.1

#51 TheOddByte

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:05 AM

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"


#52 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:15 AM

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics

For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

#53 Dlcruz129

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:25 AM

View PostSuicidalSTDz, on 17 March 2013 - 04:54 AM, said:

View Postredeye83, on 17 March 2013 - 04:49 AM, said:

.titanic {float: none;}
Hehe, clever one.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

I've heard those ones, but I've never understood the last one.

#54 Mailmanq!

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:26 AM

The best thing I have found of the internet recently:
Spoiler


#55 redeye83

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:26 AM

An example variable walks into a foo

#56 Dlcruz129

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:28 AM

View Postmailmanq, on 17 March 2013 - 05:26 AM, said:

The best thing I have found of the internet recently:
Spoiler

Lol, nice!!

#57 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 05:35 AM

Windows95: n.32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition. 

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”

C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

#58 AnDwHaT5

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 06:13 AM

I love how this jokes forum has exploded but i wont add pictures or long jokes to the amazing jokes section unless there unbelievably good and then it will be put into a spoiler because of there size. BTW i love the coding jokes and science jokes there the best!

Hmm programming computers in a game in a computer. Thats nice but that gives me an excuse to make a computer in computercraft!

#59 SuicidalSTDz

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 06:23 AM

Who started the puter jokes? Was it me? Oh well:

(Mature audiences only)
Spoiler


#60 amtra5

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 04:48 PM

View PostSuicidalSTDz, on 17 March 2013 - 05:15 AM, said:

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics

For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
I laughed so much :)





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